O N E

I remember the feeling a year ago, I was so nervous. I was nervous about what the impending arrival would do to our family dynamics, I was worried about the birth, I was worried how I was going to handle two children, I was worried about Joselyn, having a year off work and how I was going to find time for my husband and myself.

I love this feeling of reflection... Why was I so worried, why was I so anxious? 

Henry is one tomorrow, and while the transition has had its twists and turns the good has by far out weighed the bad.  We have this cheeky, cuddly, curious, comedian who makes our family feel complete.

I am trying to work on my worry, everything will be okay just let it fall into place naturally!

Happy Birthday Henry, well done family we did it! 

Walking

Henry started walking yesterday, it was a beautiful thing but what is more beautiful is sharing his achievements with his sister. I love this series of photos I captured today of Joselyn cheering her brother on as he was practicing his new skill at the park.

I love the sibling relationship I'm watching grow and develop between these two.

M x

Ten Months

He's 10 months today & it's freaking me out, it's gone so fast... So much faster than it did with Joselyn!  I feel a little sad that my baby is growing so fast, I know there are so many exciting times ahead but I also know that this is it. This is the last time for so many beautiful milestones... Maybe we should have another one after all! 

Why is it so much faster this time? Is it because I've got my hands full with Jos?

M x

Sleepless Nights

They say sleep deprivation is a form of torture... I personally haven't been tortured by the CIA but with Henry waking at constant intervals through the night I can see how this is possible. I'm tired, cranky, and have difficulties concentrating. I'm having problems with reading and speaking clearly, poor judgment, and a considerable increase in appetite.  My research says If the deprivation continues, the worsening effects include disorientation, visual misperceptions, severe lethargy, and social withdrawal plus Sleep deprivation is also a known contribution to postnatal depression.

The thing is he sleeps... If I feed him or rock him he sleeps all the time. The problem is he wakes up, sometimes after the first sleep cycle, some nights two hourly, three hourly and even 4 hourly! It's unpredictable and it all started when he started standing.

I feel like a crazy lady that analyzes every move I made before a good sleep to try & get a reenactment. One night we provided scrambled eggs for dinner and I awoke at 5am with a fright that something bad had happened to him because he'd slept... I tried everything exactly the same for the next week - day sleep times food intake & we were right back at hourly cuddles! 

Most mornings I wake confused & disorientated unsure of how many times I actually got up, I feel like I was a drunk trying to piece together a night out on the town.

People tell me it's food, it's teeth, it's a phase, and to try the sleep School, nanny or Tizzy hall but do you know what Joselyn did the same thing! I'm trying to remind myself, of that constantly and the catch phrase this too shall pass. Joselyn is now 3 and she sleeps, I need to enjoy the cuddles, enjoy the phase, and remember it will be all over soon! 

M x

These Days

Right now I'm sitting in the driveway in the car with a sleeping baby while my 3 year old is inside the house watching a DVD... I feel like I'm doing something bad but I know that this sleep can be a turning point of how my day and night turns out.

Most days juggling two children and a fur baby my mind flips between two thoughts... "I've got this and I'm totally nailing it" and the second "I can't cope, I'm failing and am a terrible mother"

A wise person has told me to approach my parenting with a "good enough" method this is a long stretch from my previous mantra of "good, better, best. Never let it rest, till your good is better, and your better best". He told me rather than striving for perfection focus on just meeting the basic needs.

In days like these I am constantly reminding myself of the "good enough" approach, disagreeing with my "you can't do this" thoughts and pushing through.

Days like today I really want to curl up in the corner & cry. We've had poo that missed the toilet & travelled up the hallway, a baby that won't sleep, a dog that won't stop barking, washing to hangout, swimming lessons, a sleeping baby, a hungry & attention seeking little girl, a barking dog and an exhausted mummy.... Are the basic needs being met? Yep, totally nailing it! 

 M x 

Motherhood

How do you know that you are doing a good job? How do you know what's right? Do you have to wait until your kids are all grown up before you can "know" you did it right"? And how is success measured? Does a kid that grows up to not be a drug addict or prostitute a pass and one that does a fail? 

I find my current "role" as a stay at home mum brings all of these things into question. Especially when I'm visited by or visiting friends or family with kids of the same or similar age - you just can't help but compare and think am I doing it wrong?

I look at my little miss 3 year old through my rose coloured glasses & I think she's practically perfect but take her out of her home environment & comparing to others I start to notice little issues in socialization, temper and skills. Talk of school comes up often and questions fly, what more can I do, how can I prepare her, am I doing enough, should I do more?

The job of a mummy isn't an easy one, you question yourself every step of the way and there's no kpis, no performance reviews, no courses. Just you and your partner in crime (Daddy) making decisions to try & mold a tiny human into something you can be proud of...

But at the end of the day I'm pretty sure I'll be proud no matter what... 

M x

This photo makes my heart break, and has me asking myself questions about acceptance, my poor baby being left out of the pack... But she doesn't seem to care, so why do I?

These two are only 4 months apart but as a first born & 3rd born the difference is astounding in development 

Holding my baby while he sleeps. They are only little for such a short time, is it really spoiling them?

Christmas Cheer

Christmas really was already my favorite time of year but with kids it's all the more magical.

It was really the first year Joselyn understood what was going on and it was just beautiful to watch her enjoy every moment from the lead up, right to Christmas Day.

We had Elfie and his socks counting us down to the big event, a visit to Santa firstly just us and then with our friends, a drive to look at the Christmas lights, Christmas shopping and present wrapping, letter writing and then the main event.

It was just so much fun! 

M x 

2015 a year in review...

As we approach the night that marks the end of another year I'm one that quickly moves to reflection, I have questions running around in my brain. Another year, what have I accomplished? what have I changed? where to next?

So what did I do?

By leaps and bounds 2015's biggest event was the arrival of our baby Henry. He really has made our little family complete. I was so nervous he was going to come and disrupt the dynamic we had established but here he is 6 months in and is fitting in perfectly. Watching him build a relationship with his 3 year old sister makes my heart melt - I just love watching them from afar interact & laugh with each other.

Henry's arrival brought with it an abundance of visitors which is always lovely, but we also had visits prior to his arrival from my aunt & uncles including a visit from the hobbits on tour (Darren & Brett) and then Darren & Amanda visited for Joselyn's Birthday.

Our little girl Joselyn was 3 this year but It wasn't until the week she became a big sister that I realised how grownup she was becoming. It was almost overnight that she transformed from a toddler into a little girl or should I say Princess...

The year was filled with birthday parties so it was only fitting that we had our own princess party fit with a castle cake! 

The bond between her and her dad has grown so much this year they have a gorgeous relationship always having a laugh. It's something that I love watching and am extremely grateful that they have.

2015 was a year of shows these included season tickets to the ballet, La Sylphide, Sleeping Beauty & the Nutcracker (unfortunately I missed Peter Pan due to Henry's on time arrival). Wicked with the Billabong girls for Kylie's 40th, Cirque du Soleil - Totem with Adam and Dirty Dancing & Strictly Ballroom with Kate. I also took Joselyn to TWO wiggles concerts! 

We've spent a fair bit of time enjoying the simplicity of life this year and making the most of what we have, which was my goal at the start of the year.We've had a few trips to mum's at Scotts Head for Easter, again in October for our Wedding Anniversary and then again when they came home in November.

We've also made the most of our theme park passes this year.

And really made the most of time spent at home.

Although I didn't stick to the goal of making a new meal each week, I did stay on top of the clothes washing from last year and the bed making from the year before. Plus I think you'll agree I've made major steps towards enjoying moments, slowing down & simplifying goals of this year too. So what's next? 

My goals for 2016 are most importantly to continue to "simplify" take on less and enjoy the moments. 

I'd like to add to my regular Pilates exercise regime, maybe go back to two a week and maybe add walking or a bike ride once a week & attempt yoga (apparently it'll be good for my busy mind). 

I'd love to complete the photo projects of a yearly photo memory book from 2011 to now combined with the "watch me grow" film clip series.

And finally I'd like to make time to regularly contribute to this blog. I plan on participating in the 52 project taking a photo a week of each of my children.

This will be my first year without "weight" related resolutions but after reading a post by the moderation movement, I think I should move towards body acceptance and not looking to always "better" my body, nothing wrong with being me! I want to enjoy what I have & be proud of it rather than constantly trying to change it by restriction of things I love. With that in mind I'd like to have a health goal of trying to have more "green smoothies" and less take away meals - that's all! 

Now they are in writing I've got no excuses!!

M x